Texts from the Fallen Angels
by Blue TARDIS Everdeen
Summary: Short drabbles. When the angels and demons find Dean Winchesters cell phone, all hell breaks loose.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hello! Sorry I haven't updated any of my other stories yet; I've not had access to a computer for a while (for reasons that are classified.) This is another text story I've been working on…It' Supernatural texts. Mostly involving Lucifer, Gabriel, Satan, and Crowley. And some Sam and Dean. My friend with whom I'm talking has his own set of characters he made up. They are quite the…..eclectic bunch. You'll see. I hope I have the personalities of the characters right, since I haven't exactly got to the season with them yet (I'm only on season three.) Anyway, I hope you enjoy!**

**Blue TARDIS Everdeen**

_Didja find it, moron? –Lucifer_

_Dak: Oh name calling, that's new. *heavy sarcasm*_

_Kyoko: We haven't looked yet. We were busy. _

_Ah, I could have fun with this name calling. –Luci_

_Oh leave the man alone, Lucifer. He's only human. *snicker* -Gabriel_

_*facepalm* See what morons I have to deal with here? –Crowley_

_Kyoko: Crowley, I'm watching you. One day…you will slip up and I will know for sure you're the regent from Warehouse 13_

_What in Satan's name are you talking about? –C_

_Hey. Don't bring me into this, Alastair. –Satan_

_If I may just butt in here…You two are two great big bags of dicks. –G_

_Dak: I'm surrounded by idiots_

_Kyoko: That makes two of us. _

_Oh, that sucks. I'm just stuck down here with these morons. –L_

_Love you, Luci. –G_

_Watch your mouth. You could be out of a job. –C_

_Oh, bite me demon boy. –L_

_Can I watch? –G_

_NO. GO BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE. –L_

_Dak: And I thought we were dysfunctional *looks over at Grubbs cheering on Bowser and Zeno having a gravy drinking contest*….I stand corrected. _

_No one is more dysfunctional than us. –L_

_Well, no one except the Winchesters. –G_


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Second chapter of the Texts story. Enjoy!**

**Blue TARDIS Everdeen**

_Alice: You know what's really fun? :3_

_*Sigh* What? –Luci_

_Alice: Walking behind people and exaggeratedly mouthing the words to a song. _

_Wow. Cool story, bro. Moving on. –L_

_Oh, shut up, bro. She's telling us something he cares about. –G_

_Meh. –L_

_Now tell me more! *Sits down in from of, mock happily* -G_

_Dak: ….Dick move. *pokes your nose*_

_*Pokes back* Thank you. –G_

_*Facepalm* -Luci_

_Shut up. –G_

_Make me. –L_

_Just watch it, bro. One day, you'll find yourself in a heap of shit….and I won't help you next time. –G_

_Ohhh…I'm SOO scared. Not. –L_

_Dak: You sound like Zeno and Kyoko only gayer…If that's even possible. _

…_.I don't know whether to thank or slap you. –L_

_Can I watch? –G_

_What do you think? –L_

…_Yes? –G_

_*Mutters* Idiot. –L_

_Kyoko: Here, I'll do it for you. *slaps Dak across the room* _

_Dak: Son of a Buick!_

_Alice: Hehe, so silly :3_

_I knew I liked you, Alice. –G_

_Gabriel. Shut up and go bother Castiel. –L_

_No. He's no fun. Can I bother Sam? –G_

_*Sigh*. If I say yes, will you leave? –L_

…_.Mayyyyybe. –G_

_Fine then. Yes. –L_

_Kyoko: I don't think he left. _

_Sara: No Shit, Sherlock. _

_I've met Sherlock. He's really smart. He needs to loosen up a bit though. John, on the other hand….BEST. NIGHT. EVER. –G_

_I'm sure they don't want to know what you do in your free time, Gabriel. –L_

_Well, it's too late now. –G_

_Sara: …Eww_

_Kyoko: *Adjusts glasses* Disturbed is what you are. _

_Dak: And I thought you were nuts before. :/_

_You haven't seen ANYTHING yet. *Winks and disappears* -G_

_Goodnight, ladies and gents. Crowley says we have to get off our asses and back to work. –Luci *Dissapears*_


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: This chapter is mostly Winchester-related. As in, Sam and Dean are the ones talking. And occasionally Crowley. ****And me.**** Yes, I know self-insertion into fics is frowned upon. And I don't plan on me being in any other chapters. And this is Season Seven Sam and Dean, just to give you an Idea. I can't believe when I started this is was on Season Three. **

**Enjoy!**

**Blue TARDIS Everdeen**

_Not for Alice Von Hydra! The great succubus of the Dark 10! Mwahahaha hehehe –Alice_

_*Rolls eyes* in your dreams, sweetheart. –C_

_Silence feeble demon! –A_

_Don't strain yourself, darling. –C_

_At least the bunch of idiots who defeat me have powers, you're defeated by nothing but normal humans *smirks* -A_

_Au contrare. They are merely my playthings. The moose and his emotionally unstable keeper. –C_

_Excuses, Excuses. –A_

_Ugh, so bored. You should come over and hang with us. –Dak_

_Oh no. You're not laying a friggin' finger on her. –Dean_

_She told us what you try and do to her. You're a sick man. –Sam_

_Hell, you make me look like a fucking saint.-Dean_

_And that's hard to do. –Sam_

_Gee, thanks Sammy. Love you too. –Dean_

_Oh please, you totally stole that from the Boondock Saints. –Dak_

_Not even-Kyoko_

_Alice isn't sick, she's lovable :3 –Alice_

…_..Debatable. –Kyoko_

_No, you dick. –Dean_

_You're still not touching her. –Sam_

_Damn straight. –Dean_

_You seem to be under the impression that you can stop us. *Claps hands sending them flying with the shock wave* we are the all-powerful Dark Lords, we fear nothing but ourselves. –Dak_

_*Groans* Son of a…-Dean_

_Don't hurt them guys, please. –E_

_We don't wanna hurt you, man. –Sam_

_See, there you go again, saying you don't wanna hurt me….You can't! *Waves hand, knocking them back another half yard* -Dak_

_*Groans* it's just a figure of speech, dumbass. –Dean_

_We just want to talk. –Sam_

_Stop it guys. Please. *Steps in front of them* you're going to have to go through me first. –E_

_Not really, I have good aim. *Pulls back arm to strike again but Kyoko grabs it* -Dak_

_We're listening. –Kyoko_

_Ergh. *Stomps off* -Dak_

_Thank you. *Stands up slowly* -Sam_

_Sammy wha-? –Dean_

_It's okay, Dean.-Sam_

_**~TEN MINUTES LATER~**_

_Well I guess something finally shut you up. –Dean_

_*Turns and flicks the air and the ground behind Dean explodes* I could end both of you any time I wish. *Turns and walks off* -Dak_

_Perhaps you're the one who should shut up now. *Adjusts glasses* what do you wish to discuss? –Kyoko_

_Son of a….!-Dean_

_What do you know about the Leviathans? –Sam_

_You'll have to be more specific, that term has been so blurred over the years it can apply to half a dozen different monsters. –Kyoko_

_The flesh eating ancient-ass motherfuckers who came from Purgatory. –Dean_

_Thank you for your input, Dean. –Sam_

_Shaddup. –Dean_

_Sigh. *Snaps* fingers and several layers of duct tape cover Dean's mouth* Hush, darling. Intelligent people are talking. As for the Leviathans, they are ancient and go by many names. They were once called Nephelheim, giants, and titan. –Kyoko_

…_Well…..ah…I didn't know that. –Sam_

_*Muffled* mmphshhshfff-Dean_

_As for defeating them, it is beyond difficult; you would need either a god or an ancient and/or mystical artifact with the power of god to slay them. –Kyoko_

_Hmm….I wonder if Balthazar still has the weapons he stole from heaven…If only he wasn't dead. And we don't know where he hid them if he does have them. And Cas is kinda out of commission so….we're screwed. –Sam_

_I'm sure you must know someone who can help. –Kyoko_

_Well…I honestly don't know. Since….*gulps* Bobby passed away…-Sam_

_Bobby…? Ah yes, the devil spawn boy; son of a demon. Bah, my own children are just as powerful. –Kyoko_

_Um…I don't know what you're talking about, but Okay. –Sam_

_Oh sorry, I was mistaken. Please enlighten me. –Kyoko_

…_Are you being serious right now? Because I can never tell with you. –Sam_

_Oh make no mistake, I am always serious. *Adjusts glasses* -Kyoko_

_Okay…good to know. Listen, can it wait 'til tomorrow? Cause we're tired and we need to get in our four hours. –Sam_

_As you wish. Goodnight, boys. –Kyoko_


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: This chapter will include the addition of Garth and Cas. ****Both of whom I may have a massive crush on.**** And it'll include some of me too. Again, not intentional. The text signature mentioned in this is "Less symbolism, more knife."**

**Enjoy!**

**Blue TARDIS Everdeen**

**P.S.: This is Season Seven/Eight.**

_Alice: Oh so now you want to talk to me! Well maybe I'm busy._

_Doing what? You're the laziest person I know. –Emily_

_Alice: We're hanging with friends._

_And you didn't invite us? Shame on you.-Dean_

_He loves parties. –Sam_

_Party? Where? -Gabriel _

_Dak: Oh great these wierdos. _

_Kyoko: We're hanging with Ari that's why. _

_Alice: You had your chance to hang with us and you lost it._

_Well fine then. Be like that. –Gabe_

_Does she still hate Emily? –Sam_

_Dak: Yes, sorry. _

_Oh. –Emily_

_-__**A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER**__-_

_Dak: Well, I'm bored. _

_Did that girl leave? –Dean_

_Dak: Yeah like an hour ago._

_Good. I am bored as well. Dean won't play Sorry with me. –Cas_

_That's because we've played it about four times in a row already. –Dean_

_I'll play with you, Cas. –Garth_

_Thank you, smallish hunter man. –Cas_

_Dak: I love Sorry! Deal me in Angel boy!_

_Kyoko: It's fun to watch him play 'cause he's never sorry._

_Dean approves of your text signature, by the way. -Emily_

_Dak: I thought as much_

_What's that supposed to mean? –Dean_

_Dak: If I were to assign a sin to yourself it would be the sin of wrath; quite specifically the wrath toward God, like our leader MX._

…_.Damn straight. –Dean_

_Dak: Straight as an arrow._

_Well…he likes to think he is….but when he's around Cas; I'm not so sure. –Sam_

…_.Really Sam? Really? –Dean_

_Don't deny it. I see the looks you two give each other. It makes me uncomfortable. –Sam_

_Dak: This conversation makes me uncomfortable_

_At least you don't have to see them every damn day. –Sam_

_Dak: Oh yeah, just every time I see you._

_Hiya, Guys! –Garth_

_Dak: Oh great; it's the redneck again. _

_Bobby's the redneck. But don't tell him that. –Garth_

_Dak: Your accent begs to differ._

_I talk just fine, thanks. –Garth_

_Dak: Riiiight, so what's up?_

_Dak: Good news; I was reading this comic and one of the characters made me happy so I brought her to life. This is my new assistant; Tia Darkness._

_Tia: Hello._

_Dak: She's a stuck up brat and agrees with everything I say…mostly 'cause I'm one too!_

_Dak: Happy New Year!_

_Tia: For us._

_Dak: *High fives her*_

_*Facepalm* -Emily_

_Dak: How ya doin', buddy?_

_Tia: I'm good_

_Dak: Pfft, nice one, but not you. _

_Tia: Aww, sorry._

_Uhh…good, I guess. A little down. –Garth_

_Dak: Oh look, it's Larry the Demon Hunter_

_Tia: He's not fat enough. _

_Dak: Hmm…you're right; how about Jeff Demonfoodworthy?_

_Tia: Better_

_Haha. Funny guys. *Tears building up* I was being serious. *Lip quivers* -Garth_

_Dak: My sincerest apologies_

_Tia: Translation: boring._

_Are you guys EVER serious? –Emily_

_Kyoko: Some of us…not them. _

_Good to know. –Emily_

_Dak: Ooo ooo bring in the Winchester boys here; I want them to meet my new assistant here. _

_Fine. –Emily_

_You rang? –Dean_

_We're in the middle of something, guys. Make it quick. –Sam_

_Dak: I just thought you'd like to meet my new assistant; her name is Tia Darkness and she's a Demon._

_What? Demon? Where? *Whips out Demon knife* -Dean_

_Don't mind him. Purgatory has got to him. –Sam_

_Dak: Oh don't worry Tia can handle herself._

_Tia: *Points at knife then at Sam and moves it over to his hand in the blink of an eye*_

_Dak: Hehe_

_SONUVABITCH! NOT AGAIN! –Dean_

_Dean; CALM. DOWN. You're not in Purgatory anymore. –Sam_

_Dak: That's not even the funniest thing she can do_

_Tia: *points at her own chest then at Dean's and her boobs appear on him*_

_Dak: BWAHAHAHAHA_

_WHAT THE HELL!? WHY AM I A CHICK? –Dean_

_*Laughing* Haha, who's the girl now? Now you can't make fun of my hair ever again. –Sam_

_CHANGE ME BACK, DAMNIT! I AM SICK OF THIS SHIT! –Dean_

_Tia: I'd calm down *Points at below her waist*We wouldn't want things to get more mixed up now would we?_

_Dak: *applauds* I love this chick. _

_You bi- *Muffled by Sam's hand clamped over his mouth* -D_

_Dean, shut up. Don't piss her off even more! –S_

_Tia: *Moves boobs back to herself* Hehe men. So easy to deal with_

_Dak: *cackling and rolling on the floor*_

_*Muffled* -Dean_

_I'm not taking my hand away until you've calmed down a couple notches. –Sam_

_Tia: *chuckles*_

_Dak: *sits up* So what do you think of my new assistant? Ain't she a hoot?_

_*Bats Sam's hand away* Yeah she's a REAL bag of laughs. NOT. –Dean_

_Tia: Hehe._

_Dak: You're just jealous._

_I'M HAVING FEELS. CANNOT. FUNCTION. *Flails* AHHHHHH –Emily_

_Tia: Could you have feels in a lower octave?_

_Dak: She can't_

_He's right. It's physically impossible. At least you don't have to deal with them every freakin' day. –Garth_

_Dak: So what are you having feels for now? _

_Tia: And does it have anything to do with our poorly educated friend here?_

_Yes. And I ain't poorly educated. FYI I actually went to college. I was a dental hygienist. Dean's the one that's uneducated. –Garth_

_Dak: Oh yes, dental hygienist is such an intellectual position._

_Tia: Oh yes, only Einsteins can get that job. _

_At least I went to college. And dentists pay bigtime, you know. –Garth_

_Dak: I'm so fucking bored_

_Kyoko: We really should work on our reports_

_Tia: But we're so fucking bored, Onee-chan._

_Kyoko: *blushes* don't call me that. _

_Aww. –Sam_

_That's adorable. –Gabriel_

_That's hot. –Dean_

_Tia: But you're my Onee-chan. You summoned me so you must take responsibility. *Hugs her* _

_Dak: *drinks Dr. Pepper* and yet she's MY assistant; how odd. _

_Kyoko: Get her off me, Dak_

_Alice: is it hug Kyoko time? Why wasn't I told? *glomps her* _

_Kyoko: Damn it._

_Hehe…who's the bitch now? –Gabe_

_Zeno: One sec I'm calling my buddy Blair to get over here_

_Kyoko: The first one to get these two morons off me is the last one to die_

_Alice: We love you Kyoko-sama_

_Tia: We love you onee-chan_

_Dak: Zeno get my camera…_

_Oh lord, there are more of them? –Crowley_

_Apparently, yes. –Sam_

_Why are there so many? And they seem to be coming from one person; interesting. –Cas_

_Dak: Idk, Lord MX has been meditating since Dec 21 in order to subjugate more power for our take over. _

_Sounds…cute. *Smirks* If you need any help, just call me, darling. You know where I'll be. *Disappears* -Crowley_

_*Mutters* Dick. –Dean_

_Kyoko: Why has nobody helped me yet?_

_Dak: Cause we don't like you. _

_Zeno: Lolol_

_It's hilarious. *Takes picture with camera and kisses it* This is SO going on the internet. _

_Zeno: Wait I need it for my buddy Blair's YouTube channel!_

_Dak: Why do you hang out with that creepy doll; he's male yet wears a dress and has curly blonde hair._

_Zeno: That's Nina's fault; not his. _

_Don't worry; we can share it. But it's gonna cost ya, Big Boy. *winks* -Gabe_

_Zeno: *shoots him with lightening* No Homo. *takes picture and runs* _

_Kyoko: Still getting raped over here…Anyone? Huey? Bowser, I'll give you a pizza!_

_Bowser: You rang?_

_Kyoko: Help!_

_Bowser: *peels off Tia and Alice*Down girls_

_Alice: Hehe_

_Bowser: What?_

_Kyoko: That bitch; she stole my shirt!_

_Alice: MWAHAHAHA_

_Bowser: No comment._

_Dak: ROFLMFAO_

_*Dean stands there in shock, slightly aroused* ….woah. _

_*Rolls eyes* Dean, stop thinking with your downstairs brain. –Sam_

_*Hysterical laughter* -Gabe_

_Alice: *runs and hides behind Dean* save me you big strong man_

_Dak: Run man, it's a trap._

_Kyoko: *points hand at them both*_

_Don't you objectify me. –Dean_

_Alice: Too late._

_Kyoko: *shoots a green fireball at them*_

_Alice: *ties his shoelaces together and dives aside*_

_What the-!? –Dean_

_What's the matter, pretty boy? Got your tongue tied? –Gabe_

_Sam, make him shut up. *glares at Gabriel* -Dean_

_I've tried, Dean. Doesn't wanna listen. –Sam_

_Dak: Have you tried violence?_

_Trust me. They've tried everything. *Gestures to himself* Helloooo, archangel remember? –Gabe_

_Dak: Nonsense. Violence is always the answer. If it's not working you're simply not using enough of it. _

_Allow me to make a correction for you: They can't. They've got no angels swords; no other weapons, no holy oil; nada. –Gabe_

_Dak: What about Sam's vampire demon force thing he does?_

_You said the magic word, bucko: Demon. Do I look like one of those dick bags to you? –Gabe_

_Dak: Aw, what a shame. So tell me, who would win in an arm wrestling; you or Lucifer?_

_Ah ah ah! Lucifer's an angel too. –Gabe_

_Dak: Yeah he's just not as queer as you. _

_Zeno: Oh damn I could feel that burn all the way over here. _

_Hey at least I'm not the one who rode him for a week and was his bunk buddy in the cage. That was him. Not me. –Gabe_

_Dak: I'm sorry; could you rephrase that in a language other than pansy?_

_I am losing my patience with you. I ought to zap you into some gay porn. *Poises fingers in snapping position*Ready when you are, pal. –Gabe_

_Dak: *clacks beak* I'm sorry; I can't hear you. My swag is too loud. _


End file.
